Crossroads

Been around thinking where I'm going to be once I leave college . In retrospect , on a personal level I believe I haven't been doing much . Incidents and memories make me want to believe that I've hurt people and also helped a few too. Made me feel good ... but at the end of the day ... I feel at loss. I'm at crossroads thinking if I've lost focus on who I am by being preoccupied with who I want to be. That's a trade off I hadn't made consciously . Anyways, something came up while texting a good friend of mine inspired by Robert Frost's famous work. This is for those who repeatedly try to support people and end up feeling like a used tissue.... crushed , disposed and recycled for next :) Cheerio !


The Clown's Day ....

I don my mask and flip my hair,
The days and seasons bother me not,
Cause I have a road, long and fair,
And in its miles, my life is lost.

The faces are weird, cute and warm,
For hundreds and hundreds I see,
I lower my hat and shake an arm,
Cause least a mile, friends we can be.

Tales of lives, a million in type,
These ears have been an audience to,
Nights of fears and days of fright,
Cherishing the silly little things people do.

I try to laugh and break a smile,
Each and every chance I get to,
Cause there are hearts to mend, things to right,
And a lot, lot left to do.

The sun does set and farewells are bid,
As the journey is mine and not others so,
Much of my miles are left to be,
And still my wisdom wrinkles left to grow.

The trip is slow, as I tire along,
The burden grows with each passing day,
Cause I'm just able to cheer and song,
But nothing else to ease their pain.

Guilt and desperation make me smile,
Which the rough paths have taught me,
But much longer have I to hide,
The face beneath and all it was to be.

Years have past since I have seen my tears,
Not so 'cause worries I have none,
Words and reflections have proven my fears,
Lost myself, my mask is the face I don.

So close yet so far, numerous I still have,
Yet among all I meet, I lack one less,
To tear my mask and ditch this drab,
To hold her hand and start afresh.

But my wishes are better left ungranted,
As awaiting me is a journey and my herd,
Cause a clown's work is never ended,
There's always miles to go and smiles to serve...!

Good Day friends !

Standpoint

Hey people.... its exam time again ... pretty busy sleeping and pretending to study.So instead of committing some time to make a proper post , I'm going to bore with one of my older ramblings.

Most of my friends say i have a questionable stand on issues of Religion and Faith . Most have taken to believing im an atheist. But actually that's not true. I belong to the group of people who are grateful to Orkut's managers for adding the "Spiritual but not religious " option !!! Well , thats about it. In the words of my brother , "God is on my side today !

All is the almighty's game.
..what am i ..
what difference do i make...
wat sacrifice does it take?.... love u lord...

ur little games... ur love and those funny names....

Tears without reason..... falling with love and treason...
.hands which hold me tightly.... thorns whch scratch me... but jus slightly....

rain which leaves a smile... lightning that blinds me for a while...
Luv u lord....

music that tears my heart apart.... silence which brings my thoughts together.....
Roads long and lonely, those winding turns and dips
those jumps, falls and flips....

Luv u more my Lord....

Loving thoughts lost to memory...
Faith and hopes that i had to bury...

Nights which keeps me sane...
anger and words too wild to tame..

Luving u each minute my lord....

Madness in things i do...
The luv of frends ... so blessed and thankfully few.....

luving u still my lord...

When trials stare me in the face...
i wont worry tat no one is on my side
Cos watever trouble tat can and may....
I know tat GOD, Your on my SIDE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Sudhir Eswaran Maharabooshanam

So long my friend !

Many times, much more than we would ever confess, we are a choice that our most loved ones prefer not to take. I am one such choice and one I'm finally able to accept This one's my tribute to a special friend. Forgive the rhythm and rhyme- been a long time. But i believe thats not what this is about. Farewell, my friend, and Good Luck !


So long my friend !

You met me when I was a total loser,
That my friend is how I knew I could be better.

You changed the way I looked at failure,
That my friend, assured me you'd be beside, always here.

You changed the ways I trod in anger,
That my friend, was you protecting me from danger.

You taught me the bigger folly in lies,
That my friend is how you spoke the truth - right into my eyes.

You made me relish my name,
That my friend, taught me to put humility before fame.

You called on me when I was a grounded bird,
That my friend, told me when I wished a wing, you'd be my third.

You trusted me even when insults left you shattered,
That my friend was how I learned to value who really mattered.

You returned after a fight, and we met, right at the stairs,
That my friend, was when I knew that one day, we'd climb to the stars.

You met me again when I thought life had done us apart,
That my friend, was when you told me we could be afar but never by thought.

You walked right up to me even when I ignored you,
That my friend, was when you understood with pain yet misgivings few.

You were ready to forgive when I left you without as much as a word,
That my friend, was when you placed me above my actions and reasons absurd.

You helped me confess my greatest mistakes,
That my friend, was when you felt I should move on to greater ways.

And then you did something whose reasons I shall never know,
That my friend, was the fateful day you decided to let go.

You denied me your audience and the simplest of courtesies,
That my friend, was you making me strong, making me face my worst fears.

You were so far and farther so in silence,
That my friend, was how you taught me that trust once broken, never mends.

You were always there, my friend, only though by rhyme and by thought,
That my friend, told me that we'd still remain no matter how much we've fought.

How much you truly meant to me, shall forever be unknown,
That my friend is how i vow to remember you in happiness and happiness alone.

Farewell !!

The Shoe Man...

Here is something i picked up when i started browsing internet something like 10 yrs ago .This poem is the one with which i started my collection. A true to the heart piece, it makes you think again. Kudos to the poet!!!!

THE SHOE MAN

(Submitted with our great thanks from a Daily Inspiration subscriber.)

My alarm went off,
It was Sunday again.
I was sleepy and tired,
My one day to sleep in.

But the guilt I would feel
The rest of the day
Would have been too much,
So I'd go and I'd pray.

I showered and shaved,
I adjusted my tie,
I got there and sat
In a pew just in time.

Bowing my head in prayer
As I closed my eyes,
I saw the shoe of the man next to me
Touching my own. I sighed.

With plenty of room on either side,
I thought, "Why must our soles touch?"
It bothered me, his shoe touching mine,
But it didn't bother him much.

A prayer began: "Our Father"
I thought, "This man with the shoes has no pride.
They're dusty, worn, and scratched
Even worse, there are holes on the side!"

"Thank You for blessings," the prayer went on.
The shoe man said a quiet "Amen."
I tried to focus on the prayer,
But my thoughts were on his shoes again.

Aren't we supposed to look our best
When walking through that door?
"Well, this certainly isn't it,"
I thought,
Glancing toward the floor.

Then the prayer was ended
And the songs of praise began.
The shoe man was certainly loud,
Sounding proud as he sang.

His voice lifted the rafters,
His hands were raised high,
The Lord could surely hear
The shoe man's voice from the sky.

It was time for the offering
And what I threw in was steep.
I watched as the shoe man reached
Into his pockets so deep.

I saw what was pulled out,
What the shoe man put in,
Then I heard a soft "clink"
as when silver hits tin.

The sermon really bored me
To tears, and that's no lie
It was the same for the shoe man,
For tears fell from his eyes.

At the end of the service,
As is the custom here,
We must greet new visitors
And show them all good cheer.

But I felt moved somehow
And wanted to meet the shoe man
So after the closing prayer,
I reached over and shook his hand.

He was old and his skin was dark,
And his hair was truly a mess
But I thanked him for coming,
For being our guest.

He said, "My name is Charlie,
I'm glad to meet you, my friend."
There were tears in his eyes
But he had a large, wide grin

"Let me explain," he said
Wiping tears from his eyes.
"I've been coming here for months,
And you're the first to say 'Hi.'"

"I know that my appearance
"Is not like all the rest,
"But I really do try
"To always look my best."

"I always clean and polish my shoes
"Before my very long walk
"But by the time I get here,
"They're dirty and dusty, like chalk."

My heart filled with pain and
I swallowed to hide my tears
As he continued to apologize
For daring to sit so near.

He said, "When I get here,
"I know I must look a sight.
"But I thought if I could touch you,
"Then maybe our souls might unite."

I was silent for a moment
Knowing whatever was said
Would pale in comparison.
I spoke from my heart, not my head

"Oh, you've touched me," I said,
"And taught me, in part,
"That the best of any man
"Is what is found in his heart."

The rest, I thought,
This shoe man will never know. ...
Like just how thankful I really am
That his dirty old shoe touched my soul...

Think about it ~!!!

Destiny awaits us all & I hate to be late !!!
Cheers,
M.Sudhir Eswaran

Shadows in the sun !!!

Today i happened across this movie playing on Star Movies - "Shadows in the sun". As it was starting , i thought id spend some time watching it. It was a story of a legendary writer who stopped writing abruptly and was trying hard to come to terms with the death of his wife. A simple portrayal and elegant cast puts the story at ease. It lacked dramatics and was better for it.There is this character of a priest who tries to help an editor whose visiting the writer with hopes of getting a contract signed. He explains that in life we all are birds soaring high with cares thrown at the wind. When we do hurt our wings we crash down so hard that we fear to fly again.He says it takes a strong wind to lift us high once to help us realize ourselves. Truly an analogy beyond all the complexities of life isnt it? bt think again , our work, commitments and dreams are the wings which we believe keeps us flying. Once they are broken , we fear to rise again . We fear to fly high as we have been instilled with the fear of hurting ourselves. Dont we all fail to notice that our dreams , work , pride , money or hard work do not matter even a fraction of the urge to fly. We do fly because we want to not because we have wings !!!! You have hurt your wing? Good !!! Cause u shall find another injured wing and you shall realize the higher pleasures of flying together. To hell with the saying that God helps those who help themselves. Its just that God helps those who helps others. How ignorant we humans are to think we make the shadows when the sun actually does?? We are not here to do what we want, we are here to do something god wanted to do for someone else!!! Life is a fresh page and we are intended to write it only once, How beautiful shall it be if we just use the lines that god has given us !!!! We are not making the shadows , we are just making "Shadows in the Sun"!!!!!


Cheers to life my friends!!!
M.Sudhir Eswaran

Finally ... I surrender!!!

After nearly being very aware and even more wary of it for more than a year, i have started blogging. i really feel this is just another place where im denied to use my own handwriting and does not merit my full respect and consideration. Ugly as it might be , my handwriting is still a vital part of my character. :-) It has been a struggle to preserve the true me for years now. The only remainder of my past is my handwriting.From School staff to tuition masters to my parents and the guy behind me in exams, they detested my handwriting more than anything! The intrusion of the computer into my lifestyle was the final nail in the coffin. But still beware my friends! It is my identity and shall remain so. So a resume for my professional life, my handwriting is the true reflection of my inner self- Reckless... Ugly.... Passionate.... Eccentric..... Powerful!
Thus my first blog comes to an end! Expect more cause im completely vetti !

Dare to Dream , Care to Achieve.
Signing off...
M.Sudhir Eswaran